Yesterday, I was reminded of that “miss.”
Yesterday, we tried Andrew on some Cashew Butter. Andrew discovered that his headaches, namely his migraines were caused by Peanut Butter. This was going to be a problem for him come his trip to Philmont this summer. My mother asked the question “is it all nuts or just peanuts?” That was a good question and something we needed to find out before he got there.
I took the first step that after a couple of months a debate decided it was worth it. I really debated it because I knew that it was a hard decision for myself and here he was only 16 years old and I honestly did not want to go there. The reality was, however, that I did not want to watch my 16 year old son suffer either. A stress free school year was not an option so we were going to have to take action. We also needed to give him every step to prevent the headaches if possible. Suffering from migraines is not fun. I knew first hand.
So we started him on preventatives and he was not eating peanut butter.
Yesterday, he asked me as he was putting an English Muffin in the toaster if I missed the foods that I could not eat. I responded “no.” I hesitated for a minute and responded with a more in depth response. It is different. The honest truth is that I DO MISS the foods I cannot eat anymore but that miss is different. I have been without them for a while now and I have come to not miss them because I do not miss the pain. The level I miss the foods is equivalent to the level I miss the pain if that makes sense. So I equate that miss with suffering. I do not like to feel the pain and I am reminded when I eat those things just how badly I feel. I was not always as aware of that suffering and at those times, yes, I honestly missed it.
The truth be told to this day I crave salad. I sometimes look at Ben’s salad and I want a salad. I just want to have a ginormous bowl of salad. I miss salad to this very day, but I know what it will do to me and I cannot bring myself to eat it. I know how much I will suffer and it is not worth any amount of missing I have to eat just a single bit of lettuce.
He is still new in this finding with Peanut Butter. It is his favorite food. He loves it. He has eaten a peanut butter sandwich or a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich almost every single day for lunch since the very first day he had peanut butter. He loves peanut butter. I am not talking about a little peanut butter on a slice of bread. I am talking about we go through serious peanut butter at my house. We go through serious amounts of grape jelly at my house too. Yes, he was 16 years old and still taking a peanut butter sandwich for lunch to school. Yes, he is in high school and taking a peanut butter sandwich to lunch at school. He just loved peanut butter and he did not care what anyone else said about it.
So his missing peanut butter is very real to him. I understand that. I get it. I know what it is like. I miss bacon. I miss pork chops. I miss strawberries. I miss blueberry muffins. The fact is that I do miss those things. I do not miss the pain. Pizza is not the same without tomatoes. BBQ is not the same without BBQ sauce. Mexican food is not the same. Nothing is the same.
Him simply asking that question brought all that to the forefront of my mind.
Kyle kept asking for granola. Ben kept asking for granola. Frankly I was resistant. Honestly I miss granola. I love it. I miss it. The last Penzeys Spices catalog came in the mail the other day and it had a recipe in it for granola and honestly it looked decent enough that I would like to try it. I could make it how I wanted to without all the junk I could not eat in it. This recipe was just simple and without all the frills of “good for your” stuff I cannot eat and my kids likely will not eat.
So yesterday when I had Ben out grocery shopping with me I had him pick the nuts and dried fruits that he wanted in his version of the granola. I kept mine simple with two regular raisins and golden raisins. Today I made up two batches of granola…
This was nothing fancy as far as granola was concerned. Pictured here is the granola without the nuts in it. It was even a little on the bland side to be real honest with you, but it was actually very good. I am not sure I would eat it every day, but as an occasional breakfast or snack it was very tasty. I liked it just fine. The best part is that it was just clean, good ingredients. There was nothing there that I could not eat. There was nothing there hiding in my food that I have to be leery of. I do not have to worry about hidden sources of anything. I know what is in it.
It does not solve Andrew’s problem as he is not a huge granola fan to begin with, but it makes me realize that even some of those things that I miss, I can have them with a little bit of work. Improvisation is something that I am good at.
Now to use those miniature cookie cutters I bought on Friday…
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