After the past month, and ultimately the past week or so of watching a couple of friends, I have decided that you really should not make decisions based on the “heat of the moment” when they are big and life altering. I know and understand that sometimes you have no choice because sometimes things call for an immediate decisions, but for those things that can wait, it is probably best that you do especially if there are other people involved.
See that “heat of the moment” is often sparked with emotion and riddled with irrational thoughts. If we take a few steps away and think about things, we can often see that we have over thought things or not. It is important that we have someone that we can talk to that we trust with everything when these things come about, especially to help us find our calm and rational side again. Emotions are not our friends when we are making decisions. We need them to know when to make a decision or to act on something that is happening, but they are generally not good for making the decision itself.
I am watching people I care about go through the now emotional response to their irrational emotional decisions that were made.
For one it was well thought out and orchestrated. It was timed and planned, it was the right thing to do for many reasons and I believe that things will work out over time (even if it is a long time) for this person. It will not be easy, but I believe in time the wounds will heal and she will know without certainty that her decision was the right one. There are times when you just have to act to protect yourself and your self-worth and I believe that is what she is doing.
For the other, I am not sure. Now there is second guessing and pain. There is still that irrational, “I think.” This individual does not “know” that she is making the right decision and she is doubting her own self-value and lacks self-confidence. She has no grasp on her own self-worth. The part that I find disheartening is that she has been struggling with this the bulk of her life. She has turned to others in order to fill that “value” and yet she has not found that for herself. Do not get me wrong, I think she has lots of “worth” and wish that she could understand just how great it is. Unfortunately, that is not something that you can fix overnight. It breaks my heart that she has no sense of what is up or down right now.
You cannot rebuild something that took years to tear down. It takes time to rebuild that which you allowed to crumble and decay over the years. It does not mean that it is not worthy of repair or that it will not one day again be something strong and beautiful again, it just means that it is going to take work and time. You have to be willing to do the work.
The sad part about decisions, however, is that one decision can destroy things as fast as they [the decisions] are made. If you make them, you have to be certain that you really want it because the fall out could have real and lasting consequences. You have to be prepared for those as there may not be any return from them. That is the case for these friends, they are real lasting consequences to their actions. The impact is on them and everyone else involved. The question is how do the other people react to them and are these individuals ready for that response? It is not just your response that is important, it is the response of others. You have to be prepared for that. When dealing with people you have to be ready for the fall-out.
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