Random memories

I have decided that you can never know when the memories will come flooding back, they just do. I certainly didn’t expect it tonight, but there they were.

Our laser printer has started to have emotional problems. Not good since the thing isn’t 18 months old. In all fairness we have given that printer a rigorous work-out over the last 16 months or so. I do mean rigorous. Now, it should be well within the capabilities of the printer, but alas it has decided that it can’t do what I tell it to when I tell it to do it. Or sometimes it just decides halfway through the task to give up and quit. Not so fun. Needless to say I am not extremely happy right now because Sunday will be here before we know it and we’ll need that printer once again to step up and do the job quickly and efficiently.

I am also not happy because it was only 2-3 weeks ago that we put a brand new, expensive printer cartridge in the thing. Why? Because it decided that it wasn’t going to print more than a ghosting of ink on the pages. *sigh* Since we didn’t have enough time to order a high-yield toner cartridge from our friend, Freddy, I went to Staples and paid full price for a low-yield one. I paid more than I would have paid ordering the one from Freddy. So when the printer decides that it is having emotional problems shortly after putting a new toner cartridge in it, this does not make me happy. Fortunately, it is running enough that if we hook it up to the kids’ computer where it will be off most of the time we might be able to in time drain the cartridge before the printer dies completely.

Tonight, I was out trying to solve the printer problem. I was researching the various printers available in the local stores. Tonight was the second round of research. Branching out to see what all was available across the board, non-brand specific. The only specifications were that it be (1) laser, (2) an automatic duplexer, and (3) have a fairly hefty monthly page cycle. All other things are optional.

Staples is right next to Hobby Lobby. I should end the post right there, right? Since Andrew and Kyle were at karate and Lance was at home with daddy…I was a free woman to do as I pleased until it was time to go pick up the older two boys from karate. So I did what I needed to do in Staples and then wandered over to Hobby Lobby. I was just looking. Seriously!

I found this quilted table runner in one of mom’s quilting magazines that was simple eye stopping. I immediately started to think, “If I change this color, I could make it for [xxxxx]. If I made it this color, I could give it to [xxxxx].” So I did have other reasons to be going into Hobby Lobby. I will confess right here and now that usually there is another reason, even if I am just going to look. Yes, I did walk through the yarn section. I wanted to see what kind of fabrics they had that would be the right colors to carry the project through the thoughts I had.

There I was, standing in the fabric department at Hobby Lobby. There that random flash of memory came.

I remembered that in the closet at home, I had a tub of blue fabrics that I had been collecting. I was trying to get the just right combination of fabrics in the right range to make a quilt for Margaret. I had just a few months prior looked in that tub and felt that there was something missing, so the time to make that quilt just wasn’t yet. It didn’t help that the sheer lack of time adds to the timing issues. So I had been looking, less than dutifully, for another couple of fat-quarters to possibly add to the fabric that I already had. Nothing pressing, just looking and if I found it I’d buy it since it wouldn’t be a huge expense. I’d then make the quilt when things settled down or I had this pressing need to sew. I have been getting more and more of that need the last three months. It comes in spurts for me.

I nearly started to cry. The tears welled in the eyes. That flash of memory. That painful reminding twinge that I would not be making that quilt for Margaret anymore. A reminder that the fabric that I had dutifully picked out over the past couple of years and had not had the time to construct the quilt itself for whatever reason, would remain in that tub in the closet because its intended receiver is no longer here to receive it. My heart just dropped.

Of course, I have to remember that while my opportunity to light of Margaret’s life if only for one day may be gone, but now I will have this to remember her by. I decided that I will make the quilt for myself, that I can use it as a comfort for myself. A gentle reminder of the friendship we had. That helped dry the tears. They never fell. The sadness was quickly replaced with a subtle comfort, almost like Margaret was there hugging me. That it would be acceptable for me to do this for myself.